By Isa

Today I would like to share with you my Principles for Dating. I am not a dating expert, but since I moved a lot (6 times within 7 years), dating was an integral part for me to feel home at a new place. Over the years, I have gathered some learnings or personal truths that have helped me navigate the turbulent sea of love and relationships.

Principle #1: Be radically open minded
If you ask my friends about my type of guy, they will tell you that I do not have one. It does not mean that I frantically swipe right on every profile (not recommended ), but I try not to have too many rigid criteria that would prevent me from meeting interesting people. “Radically open minded” to me means, unless a criteria is a no-go, I don’t set it as a criteria.

Principle #2: Date one guy at a time
In a way, dating is a bit like doing business development: you look for quality leads that need to be managed, in the hope of converting into a successful partnership. Usually, the more leads you have, the higher the probability to convert will be. In dating, I believe the opposite is true: The less guys you have to manage, the more clarity you get from each of them.

Principle #3: Communicate your dating intention early on
Success or failure in a relationship often has a lot to do with how expectations are managed. No matter what they are, sharing expectations can help to either save some precious time (when you find that they differ), or give a great start to your relationship (by wanting the same thing). But when to communicate about it? In my opinion the right time to have this discussion is when at least one of you (or both) feel they like the other person enough to want a relationship, but before you get emotionally too attached. 

Principle #4: When someone shows you who they are, believe them the first time
I first heard this quote from Maya Angelou about a year ago and it really resonated with me. We often tend to see the potential in someone or in a relationship, in spite of the many red flags we like to ignore. Let’s try to see things the way they are, not the way we want them to be, because the truth is always shown to us in some way if we pay attention.

Principle #5: Life is not a drama
I used to think that having a lot of drama in a relationship was normal and perhaps even good, because it supposedly showed how strong the love was. But in reality, the accumulation of arguments, even small and insignificant once can contribute to the erosion of trust. So I came to the conclusion that too much drama was either a sign of emotional immaturity, or a sign of a deep incompatibility. Today the satisfaction I get from a relationship is not measured by the highs and lows, but more by the stable feeling of being understood and supported.

Bonus 
I want to share a little gem with you ladies: a Twitter account that I have used to filter in/out some dates (because remember, principle #2). I would send one of the geometry puzzles to a guy and condition a proper date to the solution of it. And if like me, you are attracted to brainy guys, it generally works wonders! A bit of challenge does not hurt.... Just be careful not to paste the account name when sending the puzzle!